2015

When I started this blog, I stated some goals that I wanted to adhere to over my (what I then believed as my only) year in China. One of those included writing regularly in order to keep everyone back at home involved in things that I was experiencing out here in Shenzhen.

I failed.

Somehow I ended up getting caught up in everything and nothing at the same time. Writing didn’t seem very important back then, and I blamed it on being busy and trying to keep on top of everything. This was one of those little lies we tell ourselves to excuse ourselves out of maintaining something that, while not compulsory, may be beneficial and stimulating. Realistically, I had no reason to fall off the wagon. Last year I was working full time… a full 17 hours with two or three tutoring gigs here and there. This year, I’m working 12 hours (soon to be reduced to 10 following the Chinese New Year holiday vacation) and have found myself with far too much time on my hands. Looking back, I feel a little sickly. I have definitely wasted a lot of potential moments and I hate knowing that I haven’t always maximized my time here.

However, I feel this time has less to do with my belief of being “busy” (I’m so sorry to all my friends who started working full time following graduation, feel free to cut all ties immediately.), but rather with my evolving relationship with China. Last year, everything was new, shiny (“shiny”), and exciting. (Quick aside, anyone who tells you that the Oxford comma  unnecessary is not fully with it.  Omitting it, to quote Nina Garcia, is “NOT. AESTHETICALLY. PLEASING.” Sorry, had to get that out of my system.) This time around, a lot of Shenzhen has a “been there, done that” vibe to it. An unexpected shift in schedule or plans due to my employers neglecting to realize that I haven’t been informed has begun to run thin. My new neighborhood is in the middle of a huge shopping street, meaning huge trucks and delivery carts are wheeled right past my bedroom window at all hours of the day and night. (Also, there are feral cats who duke it out fairly regularly. That tends to lean towards a more humorous occurrence rather than being a nuisance.) I find myself being a little drained in a city that’s purely based off of economic activity and finance, with very little individual culture.

I think my biggest fault as a human is failing to see the big picture of things. I tend to let minor details like those I’ve listed dominate my mind as opposed to taking stock of everything I have and seeing the overall value of the situation. Before I left America this year, I spent the car ride to the airport with my mother discussing my anxieties about returning for another year. The one thing she left me with was: “I know that it may be nerve-wracking right now, but I truly believe that you will come away with not an ounce of regret from returning.”

So that’s why I’m back here. I think that maybe using this blog as a diary/update service of sorts wasn’t really it’s true purpose. Instead, I think that detailing my life and feelings for the rest of the year will be a healthy discourse in keeping me motivated to achieve things that I have yet to accomplish, and keeping perspective of everything going on around me. Some recent soul searching has helped me to realize that I’m not good at being honest with my emotions. I find myself more open and truthful when I perceive things to be on the upswing, but when I think that things aren’t going my way or I’ve done something wrong/made a mistake, I shut down. I isolate myself, and put on more of an act that everything is okay. I know that that is not a healthy mindset, but I do believe that even admitting that I need to work on expressing myself more is a positive step forward. I wanted to believe that I can fix any problems that may arise and that I can handle my own baggage, but I need to also be able to let other people know when I’m feeling a bit out of it or just need an encouraging word.

I want these last few months (most likely my final months abroad, but we’ll see where that goes when the time comes) to be special, like nothing I’ve ever experienced and I’m determined to follow through on what I told myself it would be like in August. Some things that I have to look forward to:

• Traveling: The month long Chinese New Year is approaching and I’m far more excited about this year’s plan than last year. This year, I have a lot more planned for things that I actually want to see and am genuinely interested in – Taipei, Myanmar, Singapore, Kuala Lampur. It’s going to be an incredible month and I personally can’t wait.
• Health: One of my goals of things I wanted to do this year was to run the Great Wall Marathon. Cool, right? Well, here’s the thing – I’ve never even run a 5k before so I think I’ll compromise and run the half-marathon instead. Cool? Cool. I actually am excited about it. I think I finally get exercise now. It used to be such a chore for me, but the past month I’ve actually been looking forward to go to the gym and get the endorphins pumping. (To anyone who knew me at Pitt with my anti-physical activity rants – I don’t even know who I am anymore.) I’m not running this marathon to compete or try to place at all (HA.) but it was on my bucket list of thing to do, and I’ll be damned to miss out on this.
• Post-China: Okay, I know I’ve detailed how I’m going to make the most of my time here, and I promise I will! However, I am also excited to start the new phase of my life back in the States too. I really am excited to see where my cards fall after my *~*illustrious*~* career as an English teacher concludes. It’s been a while since I’ve gone through the job hunt, and I can’t wait to sink my claws into all available opportunities. Also, I take a sick pleasure from making and editing résumés. It just feels so good.

So that’s where I am right now. Sorry if this comes across as a downer, it’s really not supposed to be that way. More of a self-encouragement if anything. I really will try to update more frequently, it feels good typing my soul away (Regret for not keeping up with this last year in 3, 2,…..). I will probably be out of the loop while traveling, but I’ll see if I can download an app to jot some things down on here whenever I’m Wi-Fied up in the hostels. Thanks for all the support over the last 18 months, everyone. Love you all. TTFN.

Thankful

I’m doing Thanksgiving lessons this week, and so far it’s been successful. It’s divided into three main components: 1) The story of the first T-Gives (In which I am lauded with applause every time I write the characters for England [英国 ] and America [美国 ], two characters I learned my first semester in class. I’m not above fame-seeking.) 2) Teaching them the names of some traditional foods and then having them plan a Thanksgiving menu as a class (This has backfired on me. I teach right before lunch almost every day, so I skip from class to the cafeteria and then load up my tray to the brim. Basically, I’m looking like a stereotypical fatty fat from America to my coworkers. Welp.) 3) Teaching them what it means to be thankful and then having them write down what they are thankful for. It’s been going well so far, even my lower level classes are getting into it.

I had an awkward moment today though with component number 3. I was going around, making sure everyone was doing their work and checking their answers. (It’s so much fun to bust kids who aren’t doing their stuff. “Hey, guys! What are YOU thankful for?!?!?“) Making the rounds, one 8th grade boy eagerly waved me down grinning to show me his answer. I took the paper and read.

I thankful for 1BJ.

Now I’m annoyed. 8th graders are notorious for pushing the limits on what is acceptable in class. We all did it at that age. In a different class, I had them write sketches about finding bugs in a hotel room. Two boys presented a sketch about “fuck a chicken.” Not cool, guys.

So I glare at him and begin to tell him off. Why would you do this? Do you think it’s funny? I am a teacher, you need to show me respect. The kid looks back at me, a hurt expression in his eyes. “But, Mr. C,” he stammered, “he is my favorite.”

I looked at the paper again. I had misread.

I thankful for 1BJ LBJ.

He was trying to tell me that he was thankful for LeBron James. Not blowjobs, just his favorite basketball player who he idolized.

Oops.

Students: 1
Mr. C: -500

Min

I met Min on the streets of Hong Kong. Around twenty or so teachers had made the trek to the city to celebrate Hong Kong’s 2013 Pride Parade. Armed with individual bottles of wine, we joined in on the parade and marched through the city in support of the area’s LGBT community. The atmosphere could only be described as jubilant. 5,200 people joined us that day. While this number pales in comparison to the crowds that turn out in similar events in America, it was quite an accomplishment for Hong Kong. The area is notoriously conservative, decriminalizing consensual homosexual relationships as recently as 1991. At the first Pride Parade five years ago, barely 1,000 people attended.

As we were walking the streets, Min overheard my friends and I singing Lana Del Rey songs (Diet Mountain Dew, baby/New York City/Never was there ever a girl so pretty) and joined in with our impromptu choir. I began chatting with her. Following the usual first meeting in China comments (“Your Chinese is SO good! Especially for a white person!”) I asked her why she was marching today.

Min, aged 17, lived in Singapore with her grandmother. She moved to Hong Kong about a month ago for fear of being disowned once her grandmother discovered that she had a girlfriend. Her grandmother does not know that Min’s move is permanent, thinking she’s just traveling with friends. Min’s currently trying to find a job to save up money to bring her girlfriend over, but so far she’s been unsuccessful. Their only communication is via Facebook, but more often than not they end up bickering due to financial stress and the emotional toll all long distance relationships take.

But then Min looked up, and with a smile she stated:

That’s why I’m marching today. No matter how much we may fight now, I know that it’s worth it. I love her, and I want to be happy with her. I want everyone to be happy.

That hit me hard. While we had come to Hong Kong in support of equal rights, we had also come intending for a light-hearted and adventurous weekend (hence the individual bottles of wine). I had never thought about how differently it is for LGBT people over in different countries. Not that I don’t know that discrimination is rampant in other parts of the world, but I never really had considered the individiual. I’ve never been associated with anything other than unconditional support and love from friends and families, never once doubting who I am or what I’m capable of doing. Any obstacle I had overcome is immensely overshadowed by what she has had to endure.

I came to China to have my perspective challenged and my mind opened up by an entire country. All it took was one seventeen year-old girl.

Perspective

Life has been a whirlwind as of late. While getting to know Shenzhen has been wonderful, many of us had been feeling a little stir-crazy. Our passports had been held for nearly a month by various police departments throughout the city as they processed our residence visas. Without them, traveling is nearly impossible. The only viable option is via train, which we still have to present a copy of our passport too, but there aren’t many hotspots you can hit China via train that will get you there quickly enough to actually enjoy a weekend getaway. However, a week and a half ago, the visas had finally finished processing, especially good news considering that last week was a government holiday, meaning it was time to travel.

180

Today was probably the most necessary day I’ve encountered since moving settling down in Shenzhen. The past two weeks have been a blur in the worst way. In my previous post, I mentioned that I had an extra week off compared to the rest of the teachers in my program. This one week vacation turned into two, and it was not welcome at all. Relaxation is nice, but it was not at the right time. Despite not teaching, my school heads requested that I stay on campus throughout the days in case they managed to fix my schedule (They didn’t.) or if they needed me for anything. Spending two weeks cooped up in an apartment grows old quickly, and I felt guilty for not spending more time exploring the city.

But after today things have definitely taken a turn for the better. For starters, first day of classes! I arrived at the cafeteria around 7:30 in the morning for breakfast, and sought out my contact teacher to finally find out when I would start classes for the day. Unfortunately, according to him, my schedule was causing a lot of issues. At my school, I essentially replace the Chinese English teachers for a period and take over their classes. Apparently, a lot of teachers wanted the same or similar times off, and others wanted me to come in on Wednesday and Friday afternoons (a violation of my contract due to Chinese classes falling at that time). While initially crestfallen, I decided to make the most of this day and accompany Ally to her classes to watch her in action and pick up a few quick tips before starting myself.

Cut to an hour later: Ally and I arrive at the office to drop off our stuff. I had abandoned my teaching materials in my apartment and changed out of my button-down and khakis into a more comfortable shorts/T-shirt combo. (Shenzhen gets hot yo, and it’s hard consistently being a sweaty monster.) Suddenly, rounding the corner at breakneck speeds, my contact teacher sprinted up to us. 

“Connor, we have decided that this week you only teach grade eight,” he panted breathlessly.
“That’s fantastic!” I exclaimed, “what period do I teach first?”
“First period. It starts at 8:30.”

I glanced at my phone. 8:32.

I don’t think I’ve ever sprinted quicker in my life. Bounding across campus like a gazelle pursued by the lionesses, I made it back to my apartment, changed back into teacher Connor, grabbed my USB and books, and made it back to class…fifteen minutes late.

Breathlessly I apologized to the teacher, but she understood. Nowisim is very real in China – the idea of planning things in advance is just not a thing here, you have to be ready to fly at the spur of a moment. Refer to my “getting China’ed” post. That first class started off poorly and just spiraled down quickly. My powerpoint didn’t work so I was forced to pantomime and repeat things repeatedly instead of relying on my fun pictures to explain the class and the rules to the children (All that time on Google Images! Wasted!), and the students were at a much lower level than I expected, which is never good for boosting a waijiao’s (foreign teacher) morale.

Thankfully, the second class of the day went so much smoother than the first. Firstly, their English level was miles above the first class, so much so that I’m still having trouble grasping that they were all the same age. Secondly, whereas the first class seemed generally uninterested and stared at me like I had two heads (AKA normal middle school brattiness), the second was generally engaged and enthused the entire time, and volunteered to ask/answer questions and provide feedback (First time this has happened in either Beijing or Shenzhen so GO KIDS GO, embrace your inner nerdiness!). When I asked what they wanted to study, one little girl chimed in:

“Teacher, we want to study whatever you want to teach us.”

SWOON. SWOONING ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Granted, most classes aren’t like this. Kids are kids, even in China. They don’t want to be cooped up for hours on end in school, they want to play and go outside. I’m guessing that this was the advanced class but I don’t care, I’ll take any positive experience. 

Additionally, they told me that I look strong and they love my blue eyes so Grade 8 Class 5, keep sucking up to teacher. It’ll pay off in dividends by the truckload.

After classes I decompressed for a little bit. After getting sucked into a Breaking Bad vortex (I just started the most recent episodes and my emotions are all over the place at the moment. I CANNOT deal with this kind of emotional investment again, I just recovered from Mike’s death.) I realized it was getting late and needed to get dinner. Guess what guys, I found a second restaurant instead of surly noodle hut! And it is…another noodle restaurant. Can’t win ’em all. (This place is a tick up in terms of taste and cleanliness though. Also, the menu is really easy, just tick off what you want and they fetch it for you. Downside is, the waitresses all doubt I know what I’m doing. After I tick off a meal with the character for spicy in it [辣], they always ask me if I know that the meal is spicy. Yes, waitresses, whiteboy likes the heat, he can handle it.) However, when I got to the street, both restaurants were packed. Panic. 

That’s when I noticed something new. Perpendicular to the street I exit campus from is a highway which I always viewed as impassable, but tonight I noticed a pedestrian bridge traversing it for the first time. I had previously written off my neighborhood as nothing but residential, but my Lewis and Clark senses were tingling and I decided to explore.

Thank God I did. Nearing the end of the bridge, the unmistakable stench of stinky tofu (Exactly what it sounds like, folks. Mmmmmmm, fermentation.) bombarded my nostrils and I knew I was in safe hands. FINALLY, I had discovered my own network of alleyways littered with stores and small restaurants. These were my blood and water in Wuhan, and now I have a new playground to explore in Futian. I’m beyond ecstatic at this.

I ended up at a small outside shack near the end of the street. I sat down and glanced at the menu, but the waitress approached me nervously, definitely not used to Westerners in her establishment. I decided to order the first dish I could read and settled on 酸菜抄肉丝饭 (Pickled vegetables and pork strips stir fried together and served with rice.) Shame to say that the meal wasn’t a home run. The flavor of the pickled mustard greens were salty and sour without being too overpowering, and the pork seemed to be a higher quality than that of other restaurants. Unfortunately, the dish was ruined by one aspect: Sand. When I first started learning how to cook, I religiously took notes from The Barefoot Contessa. Over and over again, any time a leafy vegetable or something grown in the ground was used in a recipe Ina always made sure to note to intensely wash the leaves to eradicate any grit that could ruin a bite. The stems of the mustard greens were fine, but the leafy tops were so loaded with sand that it killed any other enjoyment I had ascertained from the meal.

It’s alright though, there’s always going to be good and bad meals in China, just how it is in America. No amount of sand can ruin just how much today meant to me. I’ve finally gotten to start work and enjoy it (Remember my goals? Going into TESOL is definitely making more and more sense as I get increasingly involved in it.) and I have a whole new exciting area within walking distance from home to explore. Every time I start to think that I’m over China and don’t want to deal with it any more, it always reels me back in. That in itself is something to cherish.

一路平安 

Shenzhen State of Mind

I broke my “one post per week” rule, but I have excuses! (I always have excuses.) Had a wee bit of a lack of internet in my apt, and could only connect to a nearby wifi address with my phone for a bit but all issues are resolved and I can post again! Please, stop your applause, you’re inflating my already quite inflated ego.

China’ed

“I’m so glad today is over.” “Today was a China Day.” I got China’ed so hard.” Grumblings and musings amongst the teachers have lead to a group consensus: we all got China’ed today. “How does one become ‘China’ed?'” you might be asking yourself right now, and that’s wonderful question! (If you were a nine year-old Chinese boy/girl I’d high five you right now, thereby engaging and enthralling you whilst subconsciously making you want to participate in class discussions. Don’t mess with Teacher – he’ll put some voodoo mumbo jumbo on you, kids.”) In order to explain being China’ed, allow me to demonstrate the various levels of emotional responses via things that I have thought at various points either in the past week in Beijing or two years ago in Wuhan.

Honeymoon

“This is so crazy, I can’t believe I’m in China right now. It’s so crowded, Pennsylvania has nothing on this. What kind of noodles are these? They’re so cheap! Everything’s just so alive right now, I want to live here forever.”

Hostility

“I didn’t even know I could sweat in that area. What’s that smell? Ugh, if I have to look at one more noodle stand I’ll scream. Hopefully the internet won’t be down for the third day in a row so I can maybe catch that one in a million chance of getting in touch with someone. God Bless America.”

Humor

“Is that child defecating in the street? Oh, China, you scallywag!”

Home

Erm, I don’t have anything for home. We discussed these stages in detail at our orientation meetings just to foreshadow the range of emotions we’d experience on our excursion. I’ve definitely cycled through the first three both during studying abroad and during our Beijing training. It’s sad that I’ve never hit that feeling of home, but I wouldn’t expect myself to. My time in Wuhan was only a six week program so that feeling of the temporary always lingered in the air, and I’m currently living out of a suitcase in a hotel so the settling in hasn’t quite hit yet. I’ll get there in due time, forcing anything isn’t going to change how I actually feel.

During our last meeting of the day, Beijing erupted. Fog and humidity wafted through the air the entire day. Air conditioners were the sole motivation for ambling through the sticky mess of the campus, desiring the comforting, artificially cooled environments our classrooms provided. But that sticky humidity brought a message forth upon us. A message to construct an ark, gather two of every animal, and wait out the end of the world to repopulate the world. Sheets of rain slammed into the windows, thunderclaps punched through the walls. By the time we were excused for the day, our path home was engulfed in a shin-high lake. Us teachers had no other recourse but to remove our shoes, roll up our teaching pants (Business casual is a habit, get like us.) and wade our way through the mile and a half hike back to our hotel barefoot.

So where am I with China right now? Wading in a river in the middle of a metropolis, watching cars and buses honk angrily at each other in attempts to weave in and out of the deep trenches of water in the street should read as a negative, but now that I’m back home, warm and dry, it’s funny. China is funny. I’ll have my moments where I’m annoyed, where I want to be back at home and know how to react. But the feeling passes, and the hilarity of the situation arises.

It may not be home yet, but I’d rather laugh in a madhouse than cry in a mansion any day.

一路平安

Beijing Bootcamp

Studying abroad deludes people. I say this not to dissuade individuals from studying abroad (one of the best experiences I ever encountered and the reason I’m currently living abroad), but in the hopes that I can educate people not to act upon their “honeymoon” instincts. When you’re taking classes abroad, life is at it’s peak. Two, maybe three hours of class, followed by an entire day to explore your newfound home. Having an entire culture as your own personal playground is intoxicating, and it’s easy to overlook some of the negative aspects of a foreign country. There is no one Mecca of that ideal neighborhood/city/country where you always wake up on the right side of the bed, where life is grand and responsibilities can be tossed by the wayside.

This is why my Beijing experience so far, neither wholly positive nor wholly negative, has not been unexpected. I knew that I came here to work, and that not everything would be as carefree as studying abroad. We arrived at our hotel at 10:45 pm on Friday night, finally concluding a 20 hour journey originating in DC’s Dulles airport. Sleep was instantaneous, but short-lived. The following morning at 7:00 am, 120 jet-lagged “teachers” were marched in small groups throughout Peking University (北京大学), a sprawling campus of lush trees, streams and ponds, and traditional Chinese architecture whose size dwarfed any American college I had ever seen. Afterwards, we were led into our welcome meeting to give us some details about our stay. It was here that the nature of our time in Beijing descended upon us in one unholy sentence:

You will all be teaching tomorrow.

In a large auditorium such as the one we were sitting in, silence is the most deafening sound imaginable. Teaching. Our second day. Teaching. As the shock began to settle in, we were divided into groups that we would work with throughout the next few weeks, responsible for the same children throughout various points in the day.

This has been my life the past four days, but I feel like I’ve been abroad for nearly a month. From 8:00 to 6:00, I’m liable to attend various classes on Linguistic and English Teaching theory as well as Chinese language classes. Along with this, I’m responsible for not only creating a 50 minute lesson plan for each day, but making sure my topic coordinates with a general theme that my group agrees upon to ensure that our students have an easy transition throughout the day. We have one day off on Friday to go see the Great Wall, but every other day is filled with teaching and classes, weekends included.

Similarly to coordinating themes throughout our lesson plans, I feel like this blog also has an overlying theme: posts tend to start off as negatives but they should not be read that way. I really am so grateful that I’m here right now. While it was a big shock to adjust to, adjusted I have done. Being thrown into the hodgepodge of China life in such an intensive manner is only going to make my life easier when I get to Shenzhen, and my class and lecture planning will be significantly reduced. I have also come to several realizations in these past four days.

• I love being back in China
  Nothing compares to walking past a group on the streets and hearing exclamations of “A foreigner!” Celebrity is instantaneous for Westerners in China. You stand out just by existing, and it can be fun to be gawked at. Some find it intrusive, but I thrive off of the spotlight so it’s nice to be noticed again! Plus, still can’t beat feeding yourself for $3 a day. Helloooooooo, retirement fund. (It’s too soon to be thinking about this, Connor. Cherish your youth!!!

 

• I like teaching
  Standing up in the front of the room about to dive into a lesson plan, my stomach takes a plunge similarly to a bungee jumper standing on the edge of the cliff. But once you’re in the air, hurtling at breakneck speeds towards the ground, adrenaline and subsequently euphoria kick in. I find it enthralling to be working with people and to be making something of an impact on their lives. After that first lesson, every person I talked to had the same opinion: “That went so much better than I expected. I think I had fun!” It gets easier the more we go along, and with that our creativity flourishes.

 

• I like working with kids
  Here’s where things get a little new for me. I’ve never really had an experience working with the youths. Working in grocery stores and restaurants tends to sway people away from looking at children with any positive feelings.

  Working with my class is slowly chiseling away at my icy heart, and I’m kind of falling for them. They have their moments where they start to get rambunctious and try to take control away from me, but they’re kids, I can’t fault them for that (I can, however, glare at them to snap them back into order. It’s that same look your teacher had on her face, the one that said “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.” to get you right back into submission. I LOVE being on the other side of that look). No matter how hard I have it, these kids have it worse. Being forced to attend “English Camp” for six hours a day every day is not how they want to spend their summers, they’re in my class because their parents demand it. This, in a way, inspires me to try to make creative plans, ones that teach them what they need to know, but can entertain them as well. I learn as much from my failures as successes, and each new lesson teaches me new things. Doing the hokey pokey to teach kids body parts: good. “Marrying” ten year-olds off at the front of the room to teach them about family members: bad. (Very bad. The “wife,” upon learning that she was now married shaped her fingers into a gun with her pointer finger and thumb and held it to my forehead at the front of the room. Very, very, very bad.)

So while things have been a mixed bag of sorts, the positives have definitely outweighed the negatives. I’ve been meeting a lot of great people, and definitely have a more immediate group to fall back upon for support in the absence of all you lovely, attractive, kind people back at home reading this blog. (Send money!!!!) I haven’t taken any pictures yet and haven’t had many fun adventures outside of a random ex-pat bar experience (Imagine: a combination of a pizzeria and beer pong tournament being run by a woman who resembles and sounds like a Swedish milkmaid “Ja! No pahtnahs tonight, tonight’s ahbaht yew showing that yew can rely on yoosahlf, not yoo pahtnah!”) but rest assured that I’ll provide all necessary details once they come into my possession. Until next time.

一路平安

I am my favorite subject.

As of an hour ago, today is July 29th, meaning I have only three days in which to assemble my life before flying across the globe to live and work for a year. My name is Connor. I’m currently writing from my basement bedroom in the small Pennsylvanian suburb of Carlisle. Three days from now, I’ll be writing from China. I’m spending the next year abroad in the Chinese cities of Beijing and Shenzhen teaching gaggles of Chinese children the wondrous complexities of the English language. Basically, I’m fleeing the country in order to consider myself employed.

I spent the last year of my undergrad life having quarter-life crisis upon quarter-life crisis, all stemming from fear of the “real world.” The “real world” is the scariest thing my friends and I have encountered. We lived in the beautiful college bubble, a wondrous place where our only fear was making sure we had time to get coffee from Dunkin before class started. After graduating, caffeine is the least of our worries. Now comes the time where we figure out what comes next and make plans accordingly. Amongst my friends, three distinct categories of the post-graduate twentysomethings have emerged: those who have jobs lined up, those planning to return to school, and those still trying to find a job or figure out what they want to do.

This is why August 1st is such a weird, bittersweet time for me. I currently view myself as an amalgamation of my friends’ future plans. I have a job lined up. I will be employed through the Center for Teaching and Learning in China, not only as an English teacher, but also as my future school’s “foreign expert.” I’ll have a paycheck, finances to balance, and an apartment to keep orderly. Basically, an adult (“adult”). I also plan to return to school. I know that after this program at some point in the future I do want to pursue my Master’s Degree, and really try to position myself in a strong field. I’m planning on doing this upon my return to America, but nothing is set in stone quite yet. Finally, I’m struggling to find my place as an independent person and figure out what I want to do after my time in China is up. This last bit is a semi-lie. I do know for certain that no matter where I end up, I would love to work with people from all around the world, whether it be in America or if I were to live abroad. Right now I’m planning on trying to work on teaching English in a university setting via a Master’s in TESOL or Applied Linguisitcs, but this next year is a trial to see if that’s really my passion in life. I’m scared that after spending these past few months researching the field, committing to teaching for a year, and compiling all of my resources together to apply to programs, I’m going to get into the classroom and not love it. It’s something I try not to think about, but I know that I can’t ignore it outright completely. It’s a weird state of mind to be in right now. I know that this impermanent position could lead down so many different paths for my future that it’s a little overwhelming to think about where I could end up when this is all over.

I’m so sorry, I sound like such a Negative Nancy right now. I know that once I’m actually in China, I’m going to have a blast and a half, despite currently being consumed by the pre-departure jitters. It will be an experience that I know I’m going to hold onto for the rest of my life.

That’s where this blog comes in. I know it is such a cliche for someone going abroad to start a blog but I like cliches. The cowboy rides off into the sunset, the prince and princess lives happily ever after, the ex-pat blogs, etc. I’m documenting this journey for three reasons:

1. To let my anxious mother know that I am, in fact, alive and doing well despite not being under her nurturing care.
2. To have a permanent log of my travels and experiences.
3. To document my growth over the next year and see where I end up and if I ended up learning something about myself after all.

I really do want this to be a legitimate publication of sorts (SECRET TIME: I might be using this as a supplemental material when applying to grad programs). In order for me to really commit to this, I’m laying down some ground rules.

• At least one post per week.
  I need to make sure that I don’t fall behind on posting or else I’ll have spent this past hour figuring out how to get WordPress working on my Macbook for nothing. Plus, the people demand entertainment, and entertainment I shall provide.

• Don’t only write about food.
  I’m such a food junkie, I really am. I promise I’ll try to diversify it as much as possible, but just be forewarned that there will be food pictures…so many food pictures.

• Don’t treat this as a journal.
  I’ll obviously be documenting what I see and experience, that’s a given. But if every post reads along the lines of “And then I went here, and then I saw this, and then I ate everything, and then I went to bed the end,” no one’s going to want to read this. Listing the same kinds of things over and over is boring. I am not boring, therefore, this blog will not be boring.

• Don’t write specifically about China.
  This might be tricky to explain. I’m obviously going to write about China, how can I not? But similarly to the previous rule, I’m not just going to jot down everything what I see and leave it as is. I’m going to try to convey the emotions going on in the moment, the differences between Western culture, and the impression things have impacted onto me. I’m going to try to make everything I experience as tangible as possible for everyone to understand. Along with this, there are going to be things happening in America that I want to keep up with, be it pop culture, current events, or my friends and family. I really do want to try and talk about a multitude of things. I really want to try and sharpen my voice as writer and try to make this site as multifaceted as possible so every now and then an America post might show up. Sorry ’bout it.

So let’s get going. Maybe I’ll write again before I go, maybe not.  I’m excited to see where this will all end up and how everything will turn out. Spending the past hour writing this post has already made me feel much more relieved about everything than I was earlier this evening so I imagine that’s a pretty good sign I’ll keep up with this.

See you on the other side!